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'Cause if I wasn't a fat kid in high school, I would have never listened to punk rock.

And if I knew how to throw a football, I would have never played any music.

And if never got my heart broken, I would sing “blah blah fucking nothing.”

And if you didn’t fuck my ex-girlfriend, I would still owe you three-thousand dollars.

And if I never lived in that van I wouldn’t have met Chris or Steve or James, Alex or Middagh.

And if I never worked in a basement I would have never quit my job.

And if I had a big emo band or dropped out of college, I would have never met you, man